We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
