A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
