Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
