Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
