im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
