i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
