i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
what day is it and did you see me today?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
