hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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