I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
