I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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