this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
