Do you still have your period?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize