can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
