3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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