he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
