your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
