I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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