The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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