I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
