I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
