Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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