when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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