somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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