if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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