were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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