Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
