fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
honey bunches of taint.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
