I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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