Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
