do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
