well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
