FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
