Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
