So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
