She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
