reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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