Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
