your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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