I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize