Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
