Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
