Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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