I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
