I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
