are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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