I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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