Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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