And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
