Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize