He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize