I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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