what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
