So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
