and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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