wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
