If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
