Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Is it because I queefed?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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