Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
