wat bout pragnant strippers??
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
