why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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