I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
