I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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