I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
