mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
