Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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