we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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