okay pat passed out under dana's car
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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