Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize