I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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