So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
