Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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