This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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