I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just high enough for therapy.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
