im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
